I’m in my thirties. Although I still have a long way to go but I’m old enough to safely say I have gathered enough memories – both good and bad – to last me a life time.
I’m always overwhelmed by the fact that so much happens to a person in a lifetime. Every day there’s a new challenge, every person we meet gives us experiences, every year there’s a new addition to a family and/or a sad demise of a loved one or someone we’ve known. Somewhere I read or maybe it’s a line from a movie that every person we meet in life has a story and when two persons meet, their stories intersect and they also become a part of each other’s story. Their part maybe small but they do leave a long-lasting impact on each other.
Being a very anti-social person that I am, I always thought that the friends I made in school would be the only friends I’ll ever have. When we used to visit our maternal side of family every winters, I always used to think life would always be like this, playing/ chatting away with cousins, meeting all of mom’s siblings and cousins, being crazy, carefree. Those were the days!
Then we all grew up and some grew old. Relationship statuses changed. All friends and cousins got married, started their own lives. Our concerns have changed, priorities have changed, demography has changed and has it not been for Facebook, we wouldn’t even be aware about each other. Life as a whole has changed.
Now when I open my whatsapp, there are five or six new groups of friends that I made over the years after graduating from college. Each one of them was/has been a part of my life. I’ve learned something from everyone and have lots of cherishable memories that I can look back at and smile with joy.
Sometimes I feel as if I am living my life in chunks – childhood, adolescence, college, university, pre-marriage, post-marriage – with each chunk having some old characters (the constants in my life), some old characters that became distant and faded away over time and mostly new ones. It’s more like different episodes of a drama series. Whenever I meet or hear about any character from my past my mind instantly snaps back in that point in time where we met and it feels as if I’m physically transported back in time.
Relationships are an important aspect of a person’s life. We can’t live in isolation no matter how hard we try or how much we want. To want the company of another human being is ingrained in our very genes. Whenever we are happy we instantly want to share our happiness with others, and whenever we are sad we can’t grieve alone.
I’m usually very comfortable in my own company with my own thoughts but with the advent of the internet, I discovered a new me. I was never expressive in verbal communication, I shy away from social interaction even if it’s about talking on the phone. If Autism could be defined on one characteristic only then I would be termed as an Autist too. Some Autists who spent their lives being non-verbal gave voice to their thoughts through some form of written communication (through computers and special software’s). I too found a way of pouring down my thoughts through blogging, facebook and whatsapp. That’s the new, very interactive and vocal me most people know about.
Recently I heard about a death of a distant relative. It saddened me obviously but more than that it left me with a strange feeling. I can’t really describe it! The memory of that relative belongs to my childhood and I’ve come a long way since then and so much has happened it feels unreal that that memory actually existed. I’m feeling really strange right now , looking at my own memories like a third person, an outside party, in total disbelief ! That I guess is the absurdity of life, when one chunk ends and we step into the next one, we disentangle ourselves from the previous chunk and act as if it never existed until someone or something from that chunk of life comes up and transports us back in time.
Bear with me my friends, my mind right now is overflowing with memories and emotions that need to be let out to make space for new things. This blog post is just the first proof of my strange mind!!